Living Fully

Sometimes I am full of a sense of gratitude for being alive, to have lived and have yet more days to do so.  I also find myself occasionally tempted to feel despair over my existence, to wish I wasn't.  Its strange to live in a state of such profound emotional contradiction.  But today, for myself and before the world,  I say I am glad to be alive, to exist and live on.  I refuse to look back and fantasize about what changes I would make. The fact is, I have lived.  I have been a boy experiencing everything for the first time with wonder and zeal, I have been in love, I have been loved by many, I have been betrayed and abandoned, I have succeeded beautifully and failed fantastically, I have been in control and I have been addicted, I have made love to an amazingly beautiful woman, I have stood atop great mountains, I have been captivated in transcendent worship, I have been lonely, I have lied and been lied to, I have watched my son being born and held him in my arms, I have also watched my son hurt, I have been a husband, I have gained friends and lost others,  I have been overcome by beauty in nature, I have profited greatly on homes and been foreclosed on, I have been the pastor and the pagan, I have owned a business and I have been the grunt, I have been blessed and felt cursed, I have know the sting of poverty and the feeling of wealth, I have watched loved ones die, I have been honored and I have been humiliated, I have been proud and I have been ashamed, I have graduated and I have dropped out.  I have casted vision and been lost.

I HAVE LIVED!

I have another 50 years to do so.  Not only have I lived, I will live, I will thrive.  I say to fate, God, chance or whatever, if this is what life is, I'll take all of it I can get!  Bring on the good and the bad.  All of it is life, the fabric of my vibrant existence.

Perspective is a powerful thing.  We each must choose who we are going to be, our relationship to this world we are in.  Am I divorced? Yes.  Is it tragic? Yes.  Those facts simply do not encompass my story, where I have been, or who I am.  Do not let your abandonment/divorce skew your perspective on life or more importantly, on yourself.

The sun will rise tomorrow, you can survive.  You can even thrive.

JDM