Happy Independence Day!
This year I find I have mixed feelings concerning the idea of independence. I have been trust into the blessing and curse of unwanted marital independence. It is as though my wife sent me her own declaration, only not so eloquent or moral. She simultaneously threw off the 'tyranny' of our marriage and subjected me to the tyranny of the divorce process where judges, laws, guidelines and settlements will tell me how to live and what I can do for perpetuity. I want to be together, interdependent, which is, "a dynamic
of being mutually responsible to and sharing a common set of principles
with others."
It seems however, that I am actually codependent with her. In my quest to make sense of our broken union I learned that I was in many ways too emotionally dependent on her, addicted to her in a sense. Her assessment of me mattered/matters? far to much to me. I highly recommend "Love is a Choice" It is a great resource for letting go of unhealthy relationships and attachments.
That said, despite all the anger and sorrow, I miss her. I don't want to spend this or any other holidays separate. I guess it will take more time for me to let go and move on. I will move on, but not today. Today I will indulge myself in missing her with her great smile, beautiful hair, near perfect body, loving eyes and ability to light up a room. I digress.
JDM
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