Sometimes I am full of a sense of gratitude for being alive, to have lived and have yet more days to do so. I also find myself occasionally tempted to feel despair over my existence, to wish I wasn't. Its strange to live in a state of such profound emotional contradiction. But today, for myself and before the world, I say I am glad to be alive, to exist and live on. I refuse to look back and fantasize about what changes I would make. The fact is, I have lived. I have been a boy experiencing everything for the first time with wonder and zeal, I have been in love, I have been loved by many, I have been betrayed and abandoned, I have succeeded beautifully and failed fantastically, I have been in control and I have been addicted, I have made love to an amazingly beautiful woman, I have stood atop great mountains, I have been captivated in transcendent worship, I have been lonely, I have lied and been lied to, I have watched my son being born and held him in my arms, I have also watched my son hurt, I have been a husband, I have gained friends and lost others, I have been overcome by beauty in nature, I have profited greatly on homes and been foreclosed on, I have been the pastor and the pagan, I have owned a business and I have been the grunt, I have been blessed and felt cursed, I have know the sting of poverty and the feeling of wealth, I have watched loved ones die, I have been honored and I have been humiliated, I have been proud and I have been ashamed, I have graduated and I have dropped out. I have casted vision and been lost.
I HAVE LIVED!
I have another 50 years to do so. Not only have I lived, I will live, I will thrive. I say to fate, God, chance or whatever, if this is what life is, I'll take all of it I can get! Bring on the good and the bad. All of it is life, the fabric of my vibrant existence.
Perspective is a powerful thing. We each must choose who we are going to be, our relationship to this world we are in. Am I divorced? Yes. Is it tragic? Yes. Those facts simply do not encompass my story, where I have been, or who I am. Do not let your abandonment/divorce skew your perspective on life or more importantly, on yourself.
The sun will rise tomorrow, you can survive. You can even thrive.
JDM
J,
You have captured the essence of the cycles of life - it's not always good, it's not always bad, it's life! I too believe it's what we make of these cycles and our perspective - this is what makes the difference. Thanks for sharing. Talk to you Monday night.
Posted by: Craig | June 27, 2008 at 12:10 AM